Father's Checklist: Essential Ideas for Dads
This is something I found during my many visits to the Riverview Study Center in Montreal. At the time of this writing, many of my friends are still single and some of them currently have sons and daughters that are younger than five. Because of that, and because I thought it was so to the point, I wanted to share it here so that it may give us (yes, us. Men who are, are going to be, and who are hoping to be one day, fathers) guidelines to raise our children.
Goal
1. Work with your wife
Goal
- By the time your children are young adults, they are men and women who love God as virtuous, practicing Catholics.
- To achieve this, you must lead and encourage them to:
- Use their freedom to choose what is humanly and supernaturally best for them -even when this requires effort and sacrifice;
- Love Jesus Christ as a person. Your way of life must show them how to give their hearts to Christ.
1. Work with your wife
- Show your love and admiration for her.
- Reinforce her authority.
- Speak to your children about their mother's virtues and sacrifice.
- Be united -regularly spend time together to identify the needs of each child and how you will help meet those needs.
- Pay close attention to her judgment in matters that affect the children and home life.
- Learn to say no to your children firmly and clearly but with positive reasons when possible. Work at unity with your wife on decisions to say no.
- Create house rules for all family members, including you. Post them, explain them and enforce them.
- Sanctify your role as father. Work to do it well -spend time at it, seek to improve, make resolutions, plan, start over.
- Pray and offer sacrifices to God every day for each child. Tell them you pray for them every day.
- Spend time in your mental prayer, at least once a week, praying about each child.
- Talk about your upbringing efforts in spiritual direction.
- Your particular examination of conscience should regularly be on matters related to your children.
- Examine yourself on specific points of family and upbringing in your general examination.
- Make time regularly -at least one per week- to give your children doctrinal formation such as catechism classes.
- Study: read good books (see bibliography at end of this post)
- Develop friendship: Know each child personally. Spend time with each individually -on a regular basis.
- Compliment and encourage them judiciously.
- Struggle to grow in the virtues they need.
- View your children as adults in everything but experience.
Virtues you need to teach
Love for Jesus Christ as a person
- Personal mental and vocal prayer, e.g. rosary.
- Devotion to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament
- Stories of the saints and Bible stories.
- Lead them to regular confession through your example -without forcing them.
- Personal spiritual direction.
- Knowledge of the Church's teachings through regular instruction. Do not rely on school.
- Be polite -Use please, thank you, I'm sorry.
- Do not speak badly or criticize others.
- Cherish friends and family members.
- Explain human love and sexuality in a positive light.
- Cover all the ground: Pornography, pre-marital sex, masturbation, contraception, homosexuality.
- Take the lead with each of the boys for an ongoing conversation.
- Ensure they hear about sex first from you -not their friends at school.
- Begin when they are young and especially at puberty.
- At the right age, go through the Catechism of the Catholic Church sections on sexual morality with each of them.
- Schedule -wake up and bed time, study time, attend meals punctually.
- Use of time: Limits on TV, music players, DVDs, Internet, video games -all in common room of home, they should not have these in their rooms.
- Help them develop hobbies and a love for reading -not just 'easy pastimes' of TV, DVDs, video games, movies and computer games.
- Help at home is required and obligatory
- Daily and weekly tasks: dishes, garbage, cleaning, garden, kitchen, etc.
- Make bed every day.
- Keep room tidy.
- Teach them to help others in need: Visits to hospitals or homes for elderly, 'adopt' a neighbour.
- They need to get used to having fewer material goods than some friends.\
- Small allowance but free to use.
- Teach them to save money for the future.
- Teach them to give of their money to charities, beginning your parish and charities of their choice.
Never...
- Never discipline out of anger.
- Never criticize your children publicly
- Never use the excuse: "My wife takes care of the children." You are both responsible.
- Never issue threats you cannot follow up on.
Suggestions for the various times of life:
0~5 years of age
- Play with each child; read to them.
- Piety: Get on your knees and pray before bed with them.
- Family rosary: Small part -leave them free to attend.
- Make punishment, whenever necessary, fair and loving, followed by affectionate forgiveness.
- Emphasize obedience.
- Attend parent-teacher nights.
- Family rosary -leave them free to attend.
- Know the friends of your children and their families.
- Teach catechism regularly.
- Involve them in sports teams and lessons -without cutting into family life.
- Work to instill a knowledge and love of Jesus Christ and Mary and a habit of prayer -especially daily mental prayer.
- Take initiative to deal with sexuality, take lead with boys.
- Invite them to go with you to confession.
- Family rosary -leave them free to attend.
- Encourage cultural works of music and literature they will not get through popular culture.
- Get involved in their education: Know the books they read at school and home; check their homework.
- Encourage an interest in politics, current events, culture -especially through reading- and to develop personal, reasoned opinions.
- Know their interests and talents to direct them to develop these through hobbies and extracurricular activities as a way to prepare them to decide on a career.
- Select good DVDs to watch.
- Family rosary -leave them free to attend
- Be involved in their education: Know the books they read at school and home.
- Foster meetings of girls and boys of their age in a healthy atmosphere.
- Establish clear rules for curfews, car use, etc., with your wife
- Invite them to go to confession with you.
- Inform them of spiritual activities in which they can become involved but leave them free to go.
- Get them to reflect on what they want to do with their lives in a context of service to family and society.
- Be a good listener, offer positive advice when they seek it.
- Continue praying for each of them.
- If they still live at home and work -they should pay rent.
Bibliography
Books
- Campbell, Ross
- How to really love your child.
- How to really love your teenager.
- How to really love your angry child.
- Covey, Stephen. The 7 habits of highly effective families.
- Davis, John. Extreme pursuit.
- Dobson, Dr. James. The strong-willed child: Birth through adolescence.
- Escriva, St. Josemaria. Marriage: A Christian Vocation, in Christ is passing by.
- Gabriel, Stephen. Speaking to the heart: A father's guide to growth in virtue.
- Guarendi, Raymond
- You're a better parent than you think!
- Discipline that lasts a lifetime.
- Good discipline, great teens.
- Raising kids right: Giving parenting back to parents.
- Back to the family.
- Helming, Dennis. Reinventing Dad.
- Isaac, David. Character Building. A guide for parents and teachers.
- Jordan, Engracia A. Education for true love: Giving sex education to children.
- Meeker, Meg
- Boys should be boys.
- Strong fathers, strong daughters.
- Pontifical Council for the Family. The truth and meaning of human sexuality: Guidelines for education within the family.
- Santos, Cesar. How to teach your child the facts of life.
- Scherrer, Catherine and Bernard. The joyful mysteries of life.
- Scott Spears, Dr. Dana and Braund, Dr. Ron L. Strong-willed child or dreamer.
- Shepherd, Jerry. The Moral Education of teenagers.
- Smalley, Gary. If only he knew.
- Sprinkle, Patricia. Children who do too little: Why your kids need to work around the home.
- Stenson, James:
- Anchor: God's promises of hope for parents.
- Compass: A handbook on parent leadership.
- Father, the family protector.
- Lifeline: The religious upbringing of your children.
- Preparing for adolescence: A planning guide for parents.
- Preparing for peer pressure: A guide for parents of young children.
- Successful fathers: The subtle but powerful ways fathers mold their children's characters
- Upbringing: A discussion handbook for parents of young children.
Catechism
- Faith and Life Series (Grades 1~8), Ignatius Press, www.ignatius.com
- St. Joseph Baltimore Catechism (can be found online)
Internet Resources
Always research before selecting a movie at:
- www.screenit.com
- www.decentfilms.com
- www.usccb.org/movies
Parenting
- www.parentleadership.com - James Stenson's website
- www.drray.com - Ray Guarendi's website
Since this is a post that I got from a document I read, comments or suggestions about this checklist should be address to the author, Paul Kilbertus at paulkilbertus@yahoo.com
Comments
Post a Comment